Braids!

This is a HUGE deal...no, really! The nerve damage in my left arm and hand have caused a lag in reaction time for the past two years. My left hand is still slow to process what my brain is telling it to do, and too much exertion (like typing or knitting, etc.) causes it to grow tired very quickly and feel a bit like what I imagine carpal tunnel syndrome must feel like.

However, one of my big goal this past year has been to braid Lily's hair. I used to be able to french braid my own hair upside down and backwards, so it is tremendously frustrating that I cannot handle such a simple task.

But....

....after almost 30 minutes of Lily standing patiently on her Disney princess footstool

....and mommy wrestling with her smooth-as-silk hair....

...we have braids.

Loving it...

With all of the stresses in my life right now (fun things like physical pain, financial strain and general stress about what our lives will be like in the next few months) I have taken time to stop and smell the roses. Or, in the case of me and a digital camera: Stop and take the pictures.
While I'm not going to upload them all here, I have taken almost 200 pictures in the past few days! Yes, most of them are of Lily or Lily and her friends, or Lily and her cousins. I was thinking about the memories I've captured, though, and had another one of those wistful, "I'm-so-glad-I'm-still-alive-to-see-this" moments. One of the picture stops was at a birthday party for Lily's friend, Emma. All the mommies were sitting around watching our kids climb up the water slide ladder and throw themselves down the slide with sheer, delighted abandon and someone started talking about age. Everyone came up at least two years shy of my current 34 years. When I told them I was happy about my age, I think I confused some of them. Then I said that, medically speaking, I should not have made it past 32 and I'm grateful for every day that God is giving me, that cleared it all up!
Later that evening, Lily and I watched soccer camp, played with friends and took a spin through the Collierville Town Square. We got out and walked around and I marveled again at the turn my life has taken. We live in a place in this world where over a hundred people are lounging around outside on blankets and lawn chairs listening to the "bluegrass picking" that other people are sharing. There were at least three different groups of people that show up on Friday nights to stroll around or plant themselves in one section of the square to play music together. Anyone can join in and play or sing along. While bluegrass is not exactly my music genre of choice, Lily adored the sounds floating around the main gazebo as she danced to guitars, dulcimers and a washtub bass. And watching her dance while old gospel songs and even some Lynard Skynard somehow managed to mesh around us was peaceful.

Someday...

Lily and I were sitting on the floor in her room this evening when she pointed to my scarred knee and ankles and said, "Mommy, when your boo-boos go away, then you can run?" I told her yes, and bit back the tears. What a sweet girl...she just wants her mommy to be able to run and play with her!

Mini Me

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love painting. So, when Lily was invited to a birthday party at Paint a Piece, I was curious to see how it would go. She loves her finger paints and her sparkly watercolors, but will sometimes lose interest pretty quickly. (She is only 2 and a half, after all! Not exactly an age known for long-term focus!)


And then the painting started...

Kids that started after her finished up and she was ready to put more coats of paint on her pig. She had a dead-on focus on her mission...even with my prompting to finish up since everyone else was getting ready to move on!

Of course, one thing got her attention on something other than her painting:

Cupcakes!

(That would work on her mommy, too!)

A Tip

OK, so I keep telling myself that I'm going to get back into this blog-world. Never seems to happen lately. So, I'll just put another cute Lily saying in here and go off to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll write more??

Everytime Lily brushes her teeth, she ends with spitting in the sink. Except she doesn't spit. She very earnestly leans over the basin and says "Ahhhh-TIP!"

Yo ho, Yo ho...

Lily has been singing her version of the Pirates of the Caribbean song this week. It is my new favorite...

"Yo ho, Yo ho, the pirates like to read!"

Gotta love it.

Disneyland!

Lily and I made our first trip to that American Institution in the West, Disneyland. While part of me is kind of tired of the commercialized nature of everything Disney, and I really do wonder what is next in the advertisements on the rides (It's a Small World, brought to you by Botox, maybe?) I have to say that the place itself is magical. I spent most of the day watching Lily's face as she reacted to the sights around her and it was wonderful!

Once I got Lily past the excitement of waterfalls and stairs-there are A LOT on the Tarzan treehouse-she started to get into the new experiences surrounding her. Clearly, she is certainly her Momma's girl. Her favorite ride of the day was Pirates of the Caribbean. I was sort of wary of taking her on it at first, but eventually we went for it. My dearest friend, Sharon, was our Disney buddy for the day so we figured we could talk her through as much of the ride as necessary. In the end, Lily loved it so much that she asked more than once during our day there to "go back and see the pirates."

Another highlight was when one of the "crew members" working at the Haunted Mansion (after giving me a dollop of Purell to wipe on Lily's hands after she touched everything in sight) gave Lily a 1st Visit button. Lily was so proud of it and checked it frequently to make sure that it was still prominently featured on the front of her coat.

Andwhat would a first trip to Disneyland be without Mickey Mouse ears? I told Lily that she could choose any pair she liked and was certain that she would pick the pink ones with a tiny tiara perched on the top. Nope. She wanted the ones with the fairy on them. So appropriate since she is kind of saucy like Tinkerbell.

Lily did all the classic kid things that day: ate her weight in sugar, stared in amazement at the size of Goofy in real life, squirmed mercilessly in line (thankfully we didn't have many of those) and crashed into the nap wall while Sharon carried her from one ride to the next.

All in all, the commercialism of the business really doesn't overshadow the wonder in your kid's eyes the first time they see Sleeping Beauty's castle or Mickey Mouse walking down Main Street. And the wonder in my kid's eyes is enough to make me love it all the more.

Stress

Have you ever been so stressed out that you were pretty sure that your entire body was vibrating? If you hear a low humming sound coming from my general direction, it is probably my stressed-out nerves.

Happy Birthday, Christmas!

We've had a kind of down-in-the-dumps last couple of weeks...a dear friend of mine is in the throes of chemo for her lymphoma, holidays are always tough when dealing with the loss of loved ones and our sweet dog, Gator suddenly died on December 5th. Ugh.

So, it is nice to step back sometimes and see all the spectacle through the eyes of a 2-year-old. Last year, every time someone would say Merry Christmas, Lily would reply with "Ho, ho, ho." This year, every time Lily sees Christmas lights (on trees, houses, etc.) she says, "Happy BIRTHday, Christmas!"

From the mouths of babes, right?

M is for Banana

Lily's class at Kids' Day Out this year has a weekly homework assignment. On Wednesdays, they get a piece of paper with a large letter on it. The kids are supposed to color it and then cut out pictures that start with that letter and glue them on. Since Lily cannot really cut-or glue-or pick out the pictures on her own, it is kind of my homework, too. I'm kind of obnoxious with it, really, but it is fun. I keep sticking on the same picture of my sister over and over and point out things that begin with different letters in the picture...and on the letter "D" I stuck on a picture of Dave Navarro. Love it.
Part of the sharing on Fridays in class is going through the pages and having the kids name the pictures. So, on Lily's "B" page, there were about 10 pictures that she can name easily, but my favorite part is the pronunciation: "bear, books, ball, boy, baby, manana." No matter how many times I say it or point to it, the banana is still a "manana."

Pumpkins!

OK, so if you go back in my blog to this approximate time last year, you can see how much has changed! My little baby is growing up!

The Sweetest Thing...

Lily has a book of poems called My Great Big God. She calls the book her Bible. "Where's my Bible, Mama? Is my Bible in my bed?" It usually is since she likes to sleep with it in her crib. The other day, I asked her who was in her Bible. She opened it up and looked at one of the cartoon drawings from a New Testament poem and said "Look, Mama. Jesus is in my Bible!"

I love that she knows that at two years old!

Two Years Old

My darling Lily turned two today. I have had so many mixed emotions today that right now my stomach feels as if I just spent too much time on a roller coaster.

I'm so stunned by the fact that two years has passed since I met my little girl for the first time. I can so clearly remember holding her in my arms for the first time that I still have trouble reconciling that to the whole person that is developing now. There are so many things I wish I could go back and experience again, yet I am so excited for what the next years will hold.

I'm so elated to be here this year. I was adamant about birthday candles and wrapping presents in layers of paper since I missed all of that last year. Her "big" party isn't until next week, so I get to prolong the celebration even more. My heart caught in my throat so many times today when I once again realized how close I came to not seeing this birthday or any of the ones to come. As much as I would like to hope this is not a thought that will cross my mind every birthday, I think it is really unavoidable. So, I will just be grateful and excited each time.

And I am so enraptured with Lily. She is so amazing. I think back to a year ago when she was tottering on unsteady feet for the first time on the patio of the hospital while I watched from my wheelchair. Now, she runs, hops and dances all over the place all the time. Her earnest expressions are now matched with confident words and emotion. She has moved from her first "dane-koo" to long monologues about everything around her. She still catches me off guard when she brings up a topic that hasn't been mentioned in days or weeks. I scramble to remember the event or conversation while she moves smoothly along her lines of thought. When we say prayers at night, she will pause between names of people we are asking blessing for with a very sincere "and...ummmm...Auntie? and...ummmm...Gram?" until she goes through every name she knows at least twice. But still, nothing beats a "love you, momma" or "hold you, momma" and I don't think anything ever really will.

Her world is expanding around her and she grows with it every day. It is so enthralling for me to watch her play. Today she got a tea set-which prompted her to make about 43 cups of tea for Mommy, Daddy and Grandy; a dolly stroller-which she pushed around the house for ages with dolly strapped snugly in her seat; a doctor's kit-which will hopefully help her through tomorrow's two-year check up (hah!); and a doll house with a working doorbell and phone, etc-which she played with in all seriousness, moving the furniture around and letting the baby play in the swimming "cool." Of course, I can't forget the princess tent her auntie, uncle and cousins gave her. When I asked her today how old she was, she looked at me with her serious face and said "Leelee a princess!"

Yes, my baby girl, you are.

Anniversary

I am edging closer and closer to "the anniversary"...in just a few days it will be August 9. One full year from the date of the car accident that almost killed me. Parts of me are celebratory over how far I have come and how much more I can do than the doctors ever thought possible. Another part of me is feeling the frustration of going so long without being able to walk normally, type easily or wake up without pain.

I didn't really think that the date would hit me very hard. I figured that I would mourn a little and celebrate a little. What I've found is that I am getting random flashbacks to the hallucinations that plagued my first few days awake in the hospital. I am looking back at some moments almost with pity for the woman that laid in the hospital bed trying to grit her teeth while doctors pulled chest tubes out of her body. Then I take a mental step back and realize that woman I'm feeling pity for is me. It is a much more difficult process than I had ever anticipated.

I have found myself wanting to put up a post several times in the last couple of months, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It has been an overwhelming chaotic mess in my head every time I sat in front of the computer. I have also found myself not returning calls to people that matter so much to me. I can't bring myself to try to talk. I don't think there is any way that I can fully articulate the melee in my brain and heart. It saddens me that this date will always fall so close to Lily's birthday, but I am thankful now that it will be before her birthday instead of after. I can take some time to deal with the wounds that are still remarkably fresh and then move forward to celebration.

"Fasting"

A quick little funny observation...
When Lily is running, she puts her little elbows up and twists her bottom back and forth and will call out to me "Mama! Leelee fasting! Leelee fasting!" to tell me that she is running so fast.

So cute.

Mothers' Day

I know that every Mothers' Day will be special to me simply because that is kind of the whole idea for the day. But this one is especially sweet due to the events of the past eight months. I give thanks every day that God gave me more time with my daughter instead of taking me from the accident, or the operating room, or the next operating room, etc. I know that it is completely His grace that has allowed me this time here with Lily.

Even with the difficulty of the past couple of weeks, I have been thankful. The whole family has been sick at one point or another, I've started working again (which is much more exhausting than I remember!) and Lily is pushing teeth through like she's running out of time for it. She has sprouted five front teeth and one molar in the past couple of weeks. Poor girl is exhausted and, frankly, sick of being in pain. No amount of teething tablets and frozen washcloths or teething rings will stop it. She's been a real trouper, but I'm just as ready as she is to be done with this stage.

Today Lily was even more clingy than usual. I could credit the Mothers' Day holiday for that. I really don't mind her being clingy. I don't mind her only wanting her momma. I don't mind that I am the only one that has the power to soothe her just by being in the same room. Even when I'm exasperated with another pained tantrum, I'm thankful to be here to try to help her in any way that I can.

So, Mothers' Day was wonderful. Even the random tantrums, frantic biting of her fingers, and the refusal to eat much of anything due to the pain was okay by me. I sat in her room with her at bedtime and rocked her to help settle her down for the night. I was teary-eyed just holding my baby girl in my arms. She has grown SO much these past few months, and I still feel like I missed so much that I will never have a chance to get back, but as much as she has grown, she still fits me perfectly.

16 Again

I really wouldn't want to go back to being 16 again. Once was enough. However, I have finally been cleared to drive again after seven and a half months of being a passenger! It is a feeling of freedom SO much better than the one I had when I got my license the first time as a teenager. Now I can pack Lily up and take off when I want to. I can take her to the library or the park or her cousins' house...or to the grocery store. Yep, today we took a trip to the store because our mayo was past its expiration date. I was just looking for a reason to get out on my/our own and the mayo fit the bill.

I think that this will really help my mental state. I have been dragging a bit lately since my physical therapy progress is literally one degree at a time and it is hard to notice a difference each time. Driving gets me somewhere...a heckuva lot faster than walking will! So, hopefully, this new energy will help me get back to painting again-I'm falling behind on projects...blogging on a regular basis-seriously, Lily does something new and amazing every second!...and working (money is always nice.) Now, we just need to get a car to replace my smooshed one.

The Mom Who Cried Tooth

Ah, my 50th post...quite a milestone.

Even more of a milestone? Lily's first and second tooth. No, really. No, really, really. Just a few days ago, I spied a lovely little pearl on the top and the tip of one on the bottom. They look so foreign! As soon as I can get her to voluntarily show them off, I'll snap a picture to post.

On the downside of this development is the fact that they seem to be coming on in groups. This, of course, is quite painful for Lily and quite taxing on all of our nerves since she is usually such a pleasant little ball of fun. Here's hoping that some teething tablets will soothe the savage pain!

Cousins

I love watching Lily interact with other people...(I secretly love it even more that she would often prefer to observe while sitting contentedly in Mommy's lap.) Two of her favorite people are her cousins. Jake is older by almost three years and Evie (aka Doo-Dah) is six months younger. If I even mention that we are going to see them or her Auntie later in the day, she will not stop talking about them. Every time a car door shuts outside, she will look at me with excitement and say "Doo-dah?" "Auntie?"

Can't you just see lots of future sleep-overs here? Poor Jake. They will drive him crazy!

Booook-kah!

Lily literally will not get out of bed in the morning without a "boook-kah!" Once she is standing up and sees that I am looking at her, she points to her bookshelf and asks for a book. Thankfully, we keep a ton of books on the shelves in her room...and on the shelves in the living room...and in a bin in her playroom...and on every other available surface in the house. She loves to look through the books and is just starting to recognize aspects of different illustrations. Today, she identified pictures in a book that I didn't even really know she knew. I opened up the book and she pointed to the turtle and said "tuh-tull!" Later, when we sat down in the rocking chair in her room to read our last books before bed, she just laughed and laughed as I turned the pages of the book. She voiced the sounds that the animals make and just giggled at the ones she didn't know the sounds for (penguins and kangaroos, anyone?)