Lily Love

OK, so you know that feeling you got when you fell in love for the first time? I mean, really , truly fell in love...that sense of excitement and that need to be around the object of your affection at all times at all costs?

I certainly felt that when Lily was born. I felt it when she grasped my finger with her little fist the first time. I felt it that sweet September morning when she smiled at me for the first time. I felt it when she snuggled up next to me as she fell asleep...knowing that she was safe in her mommy's arms.

As Lily got older, I immediately felt wistful for those days gone by...they go by too fast! But every new discovery she made thrilled me. When she discovered her toes or discovered that the baby in the mirror was her own sweet face I was charmed. When she discovered the motions she needed to crawl and then walk I was proud-but a little sad to know that it meant independence from mommy. Her first words were a joy to me and her first sing-song notes of lullabies and snappy alphabet melodies were literally music to my ears.

After my accident-and not being able to see her or hold her forever-my desperation to be around her and be mommy increased. It was so long before I was able to hold her in my arms again. So long before I could really play with her or comfort her when she needed me. I cherised those moments that she found a way to snuggle into mommy's wheelchair-bound lap and hold on to my shirt so that I could push us into the next room. She adapted so well to my limitations and still does even when she really just wants mommy to run with her and play like the other mommies do.

Now, as I see her grow into a little girl-a funny, charming, smart little girl-I am falling in love all over again. Her observations on the world around her are amazing to me and her sense of humor thrills me. I love the fact that she comes to me in the morning so that I will snuggle with her in my bed before we greet the day. I love that even though she is a "big girl" she still wants me to rock and sing to her at night before sleep. I adore our little routines-whether it be planning out what we are going to do the next day or going over all the big events of her day or even anticipating what is going to cause her to flip out in a three-year-old tantrum in order to nip it in the bud!

Watching her develop relationships with other people gives me such hope for her future. She loves to spend time with her cousins, she gets excited for every opportunity to go to church or school to see her friends. I hope that she will always have relationships in her life that bring her happiness. And, even though I know I can't protect her from heartbreak, I pray that it will not devastate her and that she will have friends that love her and will care for her when she needs it and I'm not right there with her.

She makes me happy. Even when she is driving me crazy with the "mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY!" moments, I am blessed to be hers. Seeing her happy causes those little bubbles of joy to rise up in my heart. And knowing that no matter what life brings me and no matter how many tough episodes we will have to endure, I will always have my little girl to look at and love is the greatest gift I could ask for.